The Secret Life of Soul Reapers
by alliferr
Summary: Have you ever wondered what Soul Reapers do in their spare time? Well, read their journal entries then! Oh, and R&R while you're at it! Be gentle!Some HitsuHina, IchiRuki and GinRan here and there.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**- This is just a little thing I came up with while working on my other fanfic (which I will be updating soon!), so Enjoy!

**Dsclaimer: **Sorry people, I don't own Bleach :(

**The Secret Life of Soul Reapers**

**Wednesday**

_Toshiro Hitsugaya POV_

Okay, before I say anything else, let's get something straight:

I'm only doing this because Head Captain Yamamoto thinks that "everyone is too stressed out lately" and that writing in a journal would "help us wind down a bit". I'm not always stressed out! I mean, sure my Lieutenant is lazy and I'm always busy doing something and that my secret crush is obsessed with her Captain and I never get a chance to talk to her because that good- for -nothing Captain Aizen is always giving her orders whenever he finds out that we were talking to each other and... okay, I'll admit that I'm a little stressed at times.

So how was my day? Well, Rangiku was at it again, drinking before doing anything else. I mean, come on! She's a lazy alcoholic who does NOTHING but drink and party. Just the other day, I caught her and Captain Ichimaru... uhhh...never mind, it's too gross to even write about! Rangiku and Ichimaru...(shudders).

But since this is a journal, I guess I should tell you how it happened anyway, so here we go:

As I was laying on my bed and snuggling with my teddy bear Macho (Yes, I still sleep with a teddy bear, but who cares? Captain Soi Fon still sleeps with a stuffed cat!), I heard Rangiku laughing in the office. Me being the Captain, I went to go see why the hell she was laughing so loud. So there I was, walking through the hallway to the office in my pajamas with a worn- out bear in my hand in front of the whole squad, who was also wondering why Rangiku was being so loud. When I peeked through the door, I saw Captain Ichimaru on top of Rangiku, both only covered by a blanket. As I scanned the room I noticed something else... _their clothes were scattered everywhere. _I was still pretty much half- asleep when I noticed them but a second later I realized what they were doing. There were doing IT.

Now me being the teenager that I am, I acted on instinct. Quickly, I slammed the door, covered my eyes, and yelled "OH MY GOD!!" at the images that were playing over and over in my mind.

Apparently they heard me... and so did the whole Soul Society.

The first ones to show up after I freaked out were Momo and Captain Aizen. I stood behind the door and listened for a few more seconds as all the other officers showed up and as soon as I heard Captain Yamamoto speak, I ran back to my room, slammed the door, went into my bathroom and puked my guts out. I'll admit that that was the most DISGUSTING thing I have ever seen in my LIFE.

As I made my way back to my bed, someone knocked at my door.

"Toshiro? Are you okay?"

I recognized Momo's sweet voice almost instantly. I quickly made my way to the door and opened it to see Momo in her pajamas smiling sweetly with her hands behind her back..

"I'm sorry that you had to see that," she said.

"See what, Momo?"

"You know...Lieutenant Matsumoto and Captain Ichimaru."

"Oh," I said, trying not to puke in front of Momo. "So anyway, why are you here?"

I was starting to hope that she would hug me saying "Everything's gonna be all right, Lil' Shiro" or something comforting like that, but instead, she took her hands from behind her back and she showed me what she had.

"You dropped Macho in the hallway."

And she didn't hug me. Damn.

So anyway, after that little incident, Captain Yamamoto called a short Captains meeting today. He said that he realized that Rangiku and Ichimaru had safe sex because they were stressed (I could've sworn that they were drunk), and that we need to do something to relieve our stress. After the meeting, he made me stay with him and Captain Ukitake, and they decided to give me and Yachiru the whole "sex isn't the solution to your problems" lecture (even though I already knew that).

Thus, Captain Yamamoto gave all the captains and lieutenants a notebook to use as a journal.

Well, I guess I should get going. My hand is starting to hurt. AND I'M STILL STRSSED!!

...

_Renji Abarai POV_

I can't believe I'm actually doing this.

It's hard to believe that I of all people is actually writing a stupid journal entry... but Captain Kuchiki gave me the whole "it's Captain Yamamoto's orders, so I have to follow, blah, blah, blah, insert pointless rambling here" speech, so I have to or else I won't hear the end of it.

Anyway, so last night after the whole "Captain Ichimaru having safe sex with Lieutenant Matsumoto" incident (Which was DISGUSTING by the way), my Captain and I decided to join the other officers for a quick drink. Since we were already up, we thought we should do something productive.

So we ordered some sake and just talked like normal people. Captain Zaraki and Captain Kurostuchi were betting on how long Captain Hitsugaya would have nightmares about what he saw. Izuru bet that he would _never_ have sex, even if he gets married. All that Captain Hitsugaya talk made Momo upset, so Aizen quickly changed the subject.

Turns out that the sake went to everyone's head.

After about three jars, everyone started to get really loud and obnoxious. Every other word coming from Captain Yamamoto were hiccups, Captain Ukitake and Captain Kyoraku fell asleep on each other, and Captain Kurostuchi started to sing (Let's just say that he's...well...REALLY BAD). Momo, Captain Aizen and I were pretty much the only sober ones there. While Kurostuchi was singing, the worst thing that could possibly happen happened... Captain Kuchiki started _stripping_.

That's when Captain Aizen stepped in.

He quickly turned out all the lights and waited for everyone else to calm down. As soon as it got quiet, he explained that if we don't want to end up like Captain Ichimaru and Rangiku, that we should go back to our quarters and get some sleep. Everyone drunkenly agreed.

I had to help Captain Kuchiki walk back, since he kept wobbling. But as soon as we got back, he went straight to bed. Turns out that it was freakin' DAWN when I finally fell asleep. Ugh.

Sometimes, I hate being a Soul Reaper...

...

_Momo Hinamori POV_

Dear Diary,

Man, it feels good to say that! I always wanted to have my very own diary, but I've never had the time to start one... that is... until Head Captain ordered that we do! I got so excited when Captain Aizen handed me my notebook! It was pink with the symbol for Squad Five on it. So as soon as I returned to my quarters, I took a marker and wrote "Momo's Diary" on the cover. I also drew a heart around the Squad Five symbol.

Before I go to bed, I always walk to Squad Ten to say good night to Toshiro. Ever since the whole Captain Ichimaru and Lieutenant Matsumoto incident, he's been a little freaked to fall asleep. So when I got there today, he showed me his notebook. It was a very light blue with Squad Ten's symbol in the corner. All he wrote on the cover was "Captain Hitsugaya". Borrring. But then I noticed that right next to his squad's symbol, he wrote "For Toshiro's Eyes Only". Isn't that cute? So when he wasn't looking, I took a marker and drew a star next to it, to give it a youthful feeling.

So anyway, after I got done saying good night to Toshiro, I walked back to my quarters and put my pajamas on, and that's where I am now.

I know, this entry was pretty boring, but I promise they will get better!

Gotta Go!

Love, Momo

...

Well, there you have it! Review if you like it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I own nothin'...so there :)

**.................................................................................**

**The Secret Life of Soul Reapers**

**Friday**

_{Rukia Kuchiki POV}_

Ichigo was being stubborn today..._again._

You know, this is the fourth day in a row that I started an entry like that! C'mon, Ichigo! Stop being so stubborn so I can start a diary entry differently! Him and Kon have been driving me up a wall lately. All they have been doing is fighting! Jeez, can't someone care about MY feelings for once?!?!

So anyway, I saw Orihime flirting with Ichigo again... that little !#$%. I don't care if she knew him longer... he has a stronger connection with ME! God, can't I just have him all to myself?!

{Sigh}I know, I know, I'm starting to sound like a jealous, possessive freak. But, hey, I think that's what happens when you have a crush on somebody...

Well, I've been here for about a few weeks now. I'll bet you that someone will send Byakuya to get me sooner or later. We'll just have to wait. In the mean time, Ichigo's asleep and the light in his closet is kind of bright, so I'll end it here.

Rukia

...

_{Renji POV}_

Well, it's official: Rukia has been in the world of the living for three weeks now.

To tell you the truth, Captain Kuchiki was worried sick about Rukia since the day after she left. Although he didn't look like it, I could totally tell that he was. Rukia and I have been friends since as long as I can remember. To tell you the truth, I was a little worried about her too.

Now let's get something straight: I'm NOT in love with Rukia. For as long as I've known her, I've never had feelings of romance towards her. To tell you the truth, I've never had a crush on a girl. And just because I said that DOESN'T MEAN I'M GAY!

So anyway, let's move on to my day. Well, we found out that Captain Ichimaru wore a condom the other night (thank GOD), so Rangiku doesn't need to worry about getting pregnant or anything serious like that. Then I saw Captain Hitsugaya and Momo having lunch together. Captain Hitsugaya was attempting to flirt with Momo, but apparently, Momo's eyes were locked on Captain Aizen, who was chatting with Captain Ukitake at the table next to them. Poor Captain Hitsugaya...that Momo just can't take a hint. So I sat down with Ikkaku and Yumichika and we started to chat about stuff:

"So, Renji," Ikkaku began, "How was Captain Kuchiki today?"

"Pretty decent, I guess. He's starting to panic since no one has heard from Rukia yet."

"I heard that she was there for three weeks now," Yumichika said, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"I heard that she fell in love with a carrot-top human," Ikkaku added.

"Really?" I asked "Seriously, she pretty much has the worst taste in guys."

"You said it," Ikkaku and Yumichika said in unison.

There was a long pause.

"Dammit, why do we even care?" I asked.

All they did was shrug.

So then after lunch, I went with Izuru to Health Land to get a massage, but right in the middle of mine, Captain Kuchiki grabbed me by my hair and dragged me out of the room. The worst part is that my towel fell off while he dragged me through the lobby...what was even more humiliating was that Rangiku, Isane, Momo, Nemu, Captain Soi Fon and Captain Unohana were checking in to the hot spring...and laughing at me.

"You were supposed to be at the training barracks an hour ago," Captain Kuchiki sneered.

"But Captain," I shouted, "YOU GAVE ME THE REST OF THE DAY OFF, REMEMBER?!?"

Captain Kuchiki released my hair and I fell on my ass. "I did?" he asked. "Oh yes, I did, didn't I?" The captain looked at me and said:

"God, Renji, get yourself a towel! You're tainting the name of Squad Six."

Uh, hello? You're the one who dragged me out there ASSHOLE!!

So after that little incident, I went back in and finished my massage that was rudely interrupted.

I swear, someday I'll get him back...

...

_{Toshiro POV}_

So, here I am again, telling a stupid notebook all of my problems. Like a NOTEBOOK would help me with anything! But never mind about that for now. I'm bored, so I'm gonna start my entry in advance today.

So after Rangiku finished her paperwork, I went to see if Captain Ukitake had anymore candy. Now, he gives me candy whenever we run into each other, so I always bring it back to my office and put it in a bowl and let Rangiku and anyone else who comes in eat some candy. But there's one thing I LOVE about the candy:

He gives me coupons for free ice cream!

Okay, so everyone thinks that since my Zanpakto's Shikai is an Ice Dragon, they assume that I love ice cream. Well, guess what: They're right!

So whenever Captain Ukitake gives me candy, I always find a coupon for Ice Cream Palace, which is about a block from Health Land. My God, they have EVERY FLAVOR IMAGINABLE! My favorite is the blueberry chocolate swirl.

Anyway, so whenever Rangiku is doing paperwork, I say "Well, I'm gonna go for a walk," and then go STRAIGHT to Ice Cream Place. Well, today was different.

So this morning when I told Rangiku that I was going for "a walk", she replied:

"Hey, grab me a chocolate malt while you're there."

I looked at her shocked. "How'd you..."

"Captain Ukitake saw you there yesterday and started bragging to me that you LOVE to use the Ice Cream Palace coupons he gives you."

Damn! The very person who gives me those coupons spills the beans to my lieutenant that I love to go there!

"Rangiku..."

"My lips are sealed, Captain," she said with a smirk. "As long as you get me that malt, of course."

"Whatever," I said as I walked out the door.

So that was pretty much the highlight of my day so far. Nothing else really interesting happened. And did the stress go away? NO!

...

_Rangiku Matsumoto POV_

So this is my first journal/diary/whatever entry. I'm gonna try to make it good, but I'm not sure what to write about...wait a sec, I DO know what to write about!

So while my captain was out getting his daily dose of blueberry chocolate swirl at Ice Cream Palace, I was finishing my paperwork so I could enjoy my chocolate malt when he got back. So anyway, I ran out of ink while filling out this one file, so I went into a drawer to get some more. But I didn't find ink...I found Captain Hitsugaya's journal.

Ooh, I was in so much trouble right there and then! But he wasn't there and nobody was around either...so I took a peek. Apparently, he wrote about the "incident", so I skipped that entry. Then I read the one from yesterday:

_So today, Momo was in a good mood; I could tell because I could smell the perfume I gave to her. Orange Blossom smelled so good on her! Sometimes when she's not around, I spritz some of her lavender perfume on Macho, so when I snuggle with him, I can fall asleep easier. Other times, I would just take my haori off and just spritz something on it. God, it smells so good!_

Awwww... my captain has a femenine side! I'll get him some cologne for his birthday. So then I continued to scan through the entry and found this:

_So I bet you're wondering why I'm writing about this. Well here's the thing: I've had a crush on Momo for as long as I can remember. There, I said it. I have a thing for Momo Hinamori...whew, it feels good to finally get that out!_

Oh...my...GOD. Isn't that adorable?

After I got done reading, I put the notebook back exactly the way I found it and finished my paperwork. Then, the captain came back with my malt and we chatted about some things. I didn't want to bring up Momo or the fact that I peeked.

Hopefully he won't find out...

...

_Toshiro POV_

Rangiku peeked.

Now how do I know this? I'll tell you how: there were freakin' THUMBPRINTS on the page I wrote on yesterday! I can't believe her! And to think I wasted one of my coupons on her stupid chocolate malt.

So you'll never believe who I saw at Ice Cream Palace. Captain Kyoraku and Captain Ukitake. And here's the disturbing part: Captain Kyoraku tried to SPIKE Ukitake's soda! Okay, I could understand if it was two young guys that were finally old enough to drink doing that, but when two old guys do it...eww.

So here's how it went:

"Welcome to Ice Cream... oh, mornin' Captain Hitsugaya! The usual?"

"Please and thank you, Hitomi."

"One large blueberry chocolate swirl coming right up!"

So after that, I sat down by a window and dug in. After a few seconds, I saw the two old guys come in, laughing. They went up to the counter and ordered, then sat down at a nearby table. Captain Kyoraku finished his vanilla cone in a matter of minutes, but Ukitake took his time drinking his ice-cold soda. When Captain Ukitake was halfway through, Kyoraku tried his hardest to distract him, by telling him to "Look over there, Jushiro!", so he could pour some sake into his cup. Now I will admit that Captain Ukitake gets drunk very easily, so Kyoraku was taking a real risk by trying to spike his stuff in public.

After a few failed attempts at distracting him, Kyoraku was about to give up, but then he spotted me and went:

"Well won't you look at that! "How's it going, Captain Hitsugaya?"

Captain Ukitake looked up and waved...just as Kyoraku took his cup, poured in some sake, and put it back in it's spot.

Nice.

I knew that if I didn't want to see Ukitake strip, I had to get out of the place ASAP. I finished my ice cream, went back to the counter, ordered Rangiku's chocolate malt and another thing of blueberry chocolate swirl to go.

And just when I walked out the door, I heard Ukitake scream "WOO HOO!!!"

So here I am now, sitting on my bed with Macho and writing in this journal. The stress didn't go away yet, but I will admit that it felt good to get everything out.

..............................................

**A/N: **Finally, an update!! I also updated _Summertime _if you guys wanna check that out, too. Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. Now can you guys do me a favor and review? Pleeeeeeeeease???

L.S.L.


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